I’ve disliked Gwyneth Paltrow ever since she butchered “Emma” (you know, the one with hunky Jeremy Northam), but I mostly just ignored her and her work after that. I knew she’d started a privileged rich white woman  “lifestyle” thing -GOOP – and I was astonished to learn the kind of things she thinks are good for women. She’s written about promoted for $$$$ terrible, terrible things; vagina steaming, jade eggs in vaginas, and other vagina-related products, and apparently they sell like hotcakes on her site. I assume the same people who buy $500 handwoven meditation shawls and decorate their house in expensive yoga shit* also frequent her site.

She can’t seem to tell the difference between the vulva and the vagina, but then, she can’t seem to tell the difference between actual medicine and nasty toxic shit that can be hideously harmful to the women she claims to be “helping”.

I’ve been down the alt.health rabbit hole – when I started to experience ideopathic pain in my arms, I went on the internet (my first mistake) and tried to find something that would help (mostly because my then-doctor, whom we shall call “Dr. Terrible” – said there was nothing to be done, and put me on Paxil). I bought so. many. supplements, and all that happened was my birth-control pills stopped working – a side effect that was not mentioned on any of the sites I read, and a very bad one, as I was taking BC for endometrial reasons (fun fact: Your co-workers really freak out when you faint in pain).

Okay, supplements, no. Maybe sugar? I went on a sugar-free diet and gained 10lbs. Vegan? I can’t eat that many nuts. Superfoods? Super expensive, but very unhelpful.

By the Dawn of Kale, I was determinedly anti-woo, and anyway, kale tastes like gritty sadness in my mouth. Turmeric makes me sneeze. Coconut oil is not nearly as tasty as olive oil, and I may as well be eating lard. Stevia tastes unbelievably bitter to me, even the “non-bitter” varieties. Dark chocolate – it turns out that guy made it up, to prove that most “scientific” journals will publish anything for money.

I don’t like dark chocolate, anyway. I’m highly sensitive to bitter flavours. Also, cilantro tastes like soap. Yes, I’m one of those people.

Science made it possible for me to function. Yay, science!

And, it seems, GOOP has some seriously nasty and victim-blaming ideas. Dr Jen Gunter went to a very expensive ($650 a ticket, which is more money than I can throw around easily) “conference” GOOP put on, and along with the “medium” and the person who claimed she came back from the dead, was some very ugly messaging for anyone who ever got sick, or lost a loved one: It seems they died because they didn’t get enough love.

To say that about anyone would be unbelievably cruel, but saying it about the kids killed in mass shootings borders on sociopathic. And this is coming from essentially, a lifestyle brand by Gwyneth Paltrow.

Turns out, “Emma” wasn’t nearly the worst she could do.

(*for why I have a problem with expensive yoga shit, see
here .)


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